i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
last night I used snow as a chaser
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
