I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
