just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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