Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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