I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Randomize
