is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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