I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i jhust puked up my retainher.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
