1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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