sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
