woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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