I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize