i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
