Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I think people are normalizing furries
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
