I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
