Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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