i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
