I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
