I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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