so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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