I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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