how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
