I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I need to stop coming to work sober
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
