You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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