Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
