like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
