Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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