it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
My boob is missing a layer of skin
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
