This is not my ceiling
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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