There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
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