Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
