pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
