i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
