I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
