2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
