They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
