I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
