Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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