yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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