In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
