Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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