Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I pour the whiskey from now on
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
