cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I booty called her while she was in labor.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize