actually, I'm a sock model
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
