"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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