If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
