hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
