Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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