miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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