I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
