Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize