I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
