I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
