I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
