and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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