don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
