Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
