Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
