why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm at about main and main street
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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