You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
