she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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