I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
