If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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