hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
smell my finger.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
