last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
