im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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