Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
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