even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
