I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
